Wednesday, 29 August 2012
Leave some love, I want to change my username!
This is when the fake laugh comes in to play 'cause it's days like today when it's better to just pretend that everything is okay.
I'm the kind of girl who enjoys the chase. I get a thrill when it comes to winning someone over and making them fall in love with me. Then, when rough times in a relationship emerge, I run off kicking and screaming. I analyzed my actions once, I came to the conclusion that I'm afraid to get too close to someone, because I'm scared to get hurt. When a boy takes one step forward, I take three steps back. I've done this my whole life. It's my greatest downfall, the reason I have lost so many loves.She`ll be the first to admit that she`s not perfect. Her life`s a wreck and the only thing holding her up is the hope that it`ll get better. She`s got some friends who would die for her, and she has friends that would kill her, given the chance. She has the mental stability of a psychiatric patient and the constant drama that surrounds her doesn`t help. She`s lost all of the people she depended on, whether it be death, or betrayal. Despite everything that has happened to her,the reason she keeps hanging on is the hope that it will all get better.
You have to forget about what other people say, when you are supposed to die, or when you are supposed to be loving, you must have to forget about all these things, you have to go on, and be crazy. Craziness is like heaven.
Everyone says 'Oh, I have no regrets.' I think it's because they've never truly been happy, and then screwed it up.
I just like listening you know? Because a lot of people don't have someone they can tell things to. And I know sometimes I don't. So that's why I like letting people know they can talk to me, because it sucks needing to bottle things inside, but it sucks even more thinking that when you tell someone something, they will just sit there and judge you.
I'm falling into memories of you, and things we used to do. Follow me there, to the beautiful somewhere, a place that I can share, with you.
Real life is a funny thing, you know. In real life saying the right thing at the right moment is beyond crucial. So crucial in fact, that most of us start to hesitate, for fear of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. But lately what I've began to fear more than that, is letting the moment pass with saying anything. I think you deserve to look back on your life without this chorus of resounding voices saying 'I could of but it's too late now.'
Everybody is just a stranger but that's the danger in going my own way. I guess it's the price I have to pay. Still "everything happens for a reason" is no reason not to ask myself if I am living it right. Am I living it right?
One of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me. We'll have drinks and talk about things, any excuse to stay awake with you. You'll sleep here, I'll sleep there, but then the heating may be down again at my convenience. We'd be good, we'd be great together.
When you're wounded by love disinfect it with alcohol to prevent complications and infection. Alcohol has a numbing effect that will decrease pain. That's why most people result to drinking when broken.
I'm pretty sure I didn't meet you just for nothing.
Sometimes you need to be alone. Sometimes you just don't want to be comforted because you need the chance to take it in. All that has been, all the pain left behind. The best cure is time on your own to analyze time to pull yourself together again, and time to see that all you ever wanted is now nothing but a fading memory. Time to let it go and time to start again.
People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to life. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again. Days aren’t really days- they are just annoying obstacles that need to be faced. And how do you face them? Through medication, through drinking, through smoking, through drugs, through cutting. When you’re depressed, you grasp onto anything that can get you through the day. Thats what depression is, not sadness or tears, it’s the overwhelming sense of numbness and the desire for anything that can help you make it from one day to the next.
I need someone who can keep up with me. I want someone aggressive, who pushes me to my breaking point where I just wanna scream. Someone who will tell me that I'm not always right, and that sometimes I have to apologize for what I do wrong. I need someone who's going to set me straight because no one has ever cared enough about me to try.
And to think for a short amount of time I actually thought I had a chance.
I tried so hard to dig myself out but I was in too big a hole to escape now. The funny thing is, it's like you always kind of know that you're getting yourself into something that will end badly. There's always this instinctive gut-feeling telling you to stop now, save yourself before you fall too far in to make it out alive. But you never listen. We never listen. We're too content with the way things are going, convinced that everything is finally turning out right and happily ever after is just around the corner. But it's not. It's that belief; that's how we get stuck, broken, alone.
You'll be the high school heartache I tell my kids about.
I need my life to mean something. We all have ups and downs, mine just seem a little more frequent. I don't want to be stressed out over boys or school or friends anymore. I deserve to be happy; and I deserve someone who loves me unconditionally. I know I'm no saint and I've made mistakes in my life. Everyone makes mistakes. I just need to be anywhere but here.