Thursday, 09 August 2012
I go skydiving in 4 days. I get my tattoo in 5 days. I leave for college in 7 days.
Holy crap, where has time gone?
“One day you’re gonna remember me and how much I loved you… then you’re gonna hate yourself for letting me go.”
I am one of the searchers. There are, I believe, a million of us. We are not unhappy, but neither are we really content. We continue to explore life, hoping to uncover its ultimate secret. We continue to explore ourselves, hoping to understand. We like to walk along the beach, we are drawn by the ocean, taken by it's power, it's unceasing notion, its mystery and unspeakable beauty. We like forests and moutains, deserts and hidden rivers and the lonely cities as well. Our sadness is as much a part of our lives as is our laughter. To share our sadness with the one we love is perhaps the greatest joy as we can know - unless it be to share our laughter.
i learned that it's possible for two people to fall in love all over again, even when there's been a lifetime of disappointment between them
The repetition of every day life kills. It ruins the flow of my creative juices. No joke. On days that I sleep in, I go to bed feeling exhausted, and yet, I never sleep on the weekends, when I should want rest. I don’t. It would be a waste of freedom. Why spend time on parole in seclusion, you know? I’m only tired on weekdays - only when I know I have to drag myself out of my fucking room to take a shower and go to school, and then to work. Maybe I’m not tired. Maybe it’s just a natural defense against running myself into the ground with routine. I feel pale, and sick, and run down… For no reason. I eat right. I see the light of day. I breathe fresh air all the time. I love the outdoors. Shit. I love my life. But between Monday and Thursday I feel so transient… My head isn’t in the clouds My feet aren’t on the ground. Where am I? I don’t know, but frankly, it sucks.
No one can hurt me anymore. In fact, no one can even come close because I just don't care anymore. About anything. I wake up and don't care what I wear. I don't care what I do on the weekends. I just go through the motions. So I sure as hell don't care what you do with your life anymore.
You have to understand that I’m not the girl I used to be…I struggle with the choices I’ve made and I make mistakes, and half the time I wonder who I really am or what I’m doing or whether my life means anything at all.
There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.
Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.
"Do you know what's the most painful thing in the world? It's when you both love each other and yet you couldn't patch things up. Where's the pain? It's when one decides to end it up. And the other has no choice but to give up."
I’m so sick of the hook ups, the set-ups, the fuck-ups, the guy who only wants one thing, the guy who doesn’t know what he wants, the guy who does; but won’t admit it. I just want the real thing, and I want it to stick. I don’t want these doubts, these worries. I want a guy who won’t always be so unsure of me, of us. It’s like, they need time to decide. It’s as if they’re looking for something in particular and later on they realize they were looking for you.
You kept me around while you were looking for her. You knew it the whole time. And the truth is, I don't feel anger anymore. What I feel is sorrow because you are never going to be happy. You are always going to want more.
“It’s amazing how you can look back at your life and feel like you’re the luckiest and the unluckiest person in the world at the same time.”
“Will you live, or simply exist?”